If I didn’t love you so

Overwhelming feelings,dropping to the floor.
Tears spilling over the edge, too afraid to open up.

I won’t let you go, everything was so perfect.
If only I didn’t love you so.

Hearing those words you dread, “it’s over”,
Knowing it’s no more, holding on tight.

I won’t let you go, everything was so perfect.
If only I didn’t love you so.

Questions racing through my head, Who?, Where?,
Why?, How?, no No NO NO! NOT THIS TIME.

I won’t let you go, everything was so perfect.
If only I didn’t love you so.

My hand slips from yours, Last attempt calls.
Drowning in a pool of tears, Suffocating, unable to breath.

I won’t let you go, everything was so perfect.
If only I didn’t love you so.

By Laura Ferguson

10th May 2014

Exhaustion

I love this… sums up my feelings completely.

Purple Elephants

I would love to say that i wish i could forget you entirely, but i know that thats not true.

I’m just hurt, the pain fluctuates somedays are not nearly as bad as the others.

If only i could float away, i’d float for days, just close my eyes and be carried by the waves.

I’ve come to realize that i am tainted with the memories of us,

Drenched in your taste of love and extraordinary lust,

combined with the ecstasy of your drug like rush,

You are a substance that i can never get enough of.

Your touch still lingers on when my eyes are at rest,

I can still feel the rhythm of the beat in your chest,

 I awaken in the middle of the night from the ghost of your memories breath upon my neck.

only to be stabbed instantly with the serrated knife of a reality…

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The magic of make-up

Now before anyone says “you don’t need make up”. I do not wear make up because I dislike how I look. I do have a few spots on my face due to oily skin. I have over the years learned to control it. Ill talk about this in another post though. (Link will be inserted at later date)

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Before…… I ignoring the dry shampoo in my roots (I’m not grey)

I like to wear make up to experiment and extenuate certain features and sometimes cover up.  So starting with the base on my make up…. I always use Witch Skin Clearing Primer (£6.99). This primer is good for oily and combination skin. Instead of adding to the oiliness it pulls the oil out of the skin. It also makes a barrier to so foundation seeping into pores. All helping spot prone skin like mine. Plus a moisturisers which prevents the drying out of skin.

Next I use Maybelline- Dream Matte Mousse (£7.69). This a high coverage foundation. I feel like it gives me a good coverage of the skin. I use 05 porcelain colour to match this. Now to set all this I like to use a powder to prevent any shine. Using Maybelline- Fit Me 125 (£5.99) to apply this I use the powder brush(End brush pictured) from my Fraulein 38 Brush Set (About £12 when I purchased), I got this from amazon. I was very pleased with this although I had a small amount of fall out at the beginning.

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Fraulein 38 Brush Set

Another Steal I got from amazon is also from Fraulein 38. This is the 183 colour eyeshadow, highlight, Blush and bronze palette (About £12?). Using the dark brown colour(In the contour kit), I use a smaller brush from the above kit to fill in my eyebrows, and a colour that matches my skin to highlight around. Using a contoured brush (next to the powder brush) apply the bronzed brown to the contours of your cheeks, small amounts to either side of the temple and nose. Using the white powder contrasting the bronzer on the tops of the cheeks middle of nose and middle temple apply small amounts using blush brush. Finally using the palest pink in the palette apply this to the apple of the cheeks.

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For the eyes I used a pale pink on the main eye and then a purple towards the outer corners. I used a sparkly blue and a light pale purple. I applied and blended with eye brushes in the above kit. I also used the Beauty Uk Twist Pencil (£2.49) in Black to line the bottom and top lash line. Finally for the eyes I used Bourjois Volume Glamour Ultra Curl Mascara Ultra Black (£7.99) (That was a mouth full!!!) And last but not least the lips..I actually left these plain with just some vaseline on…

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Eye close up

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Full make-up

 

Laptop disaster!!!!

Every laptop owners worst nightmare….. opening it up to discover that the hard drive would no longer boot the system.

Then to discover that it no longer exists. With an essay due in 3 weeks and going back to uni in days to come the panic sets in. With this showing up on the screen and it being the Easter bank holiday weekend. I knew I’d be days without it. Hopefully.

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Oh Dear!!!!

Now In all this I thank myself because 2 weeks prior to this I overhauled my laptop. Meaning I took anything I didn’t want to loose and it was put on to my 1TB external hard drive. Now if that died I think I’d cry. Next I got on to the phone trying to ask anyone knew what I had done and how to fix it.

In the end I waited till Tuesday. A WHOLE 3 DAYS (cry’s from being detached from technology for this long) later I did take it to the computer shop. To tell me that the hard drive had completely crashed and I had lost everything and there was no recovering anything. The only thing to do was replace the hard drive and the system. Costing me (well my mum) £130!!!!! Fingers crossed though because my laptop is classed as an essential to me and I have dyslexia the university may cover this cost.

Lesson learnt BACK UP EVERYTHING!!!  Another thing I found I need to spend less time online.  During this time I was very bored. I think I need to find other things to fill my time. Unfortunately I rely on technology way too much. But also on a positive note the laptop returned to day and I was able to write this blog post in time…

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The Return All Fresh and New!!

Running 1, Laura 0

Looking out of the window discovering sunshine…….

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Today, I dug out those gym shoes and decided YES! today’s the day I run.

Now I don’t hate exercise, i’m an avid fan of biking to the point of last year I was doing about 100 miles a week on my bike on top of schooling and working a part-time job (mostly doing housekeeping). During last year I moved away to study, taking the bike with me. So every time I come home I’m left with a dilemma. Do I try and get into running for 2 weeks or just accept it and give myself 2 weeks off?

Not being deterred this time. I got into my new gym gear I got for Christmas, which I got in a phase of “I need to get back into this as I’ve stopped doing as much since starting university”.  All kitted up ready with my headphones blaring with music. Staring out down the street, feeling the all mighty lump in my throat coming back from just remembering previous attempts.

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Getting to 1 km and the phone saying “1 km in 7 minutes”. In my head I was saying “surely I’ve done more than that i’m tired”. Running up a hill and at that moment I think why? I can bike, I can go to the gym and this is so hard…. the days before seeing those Marathon runners 26 miles and i’m struggling to do 3. Doing this takes me back to the days when I was younger. My dad ex-childhood runner,  tries to relive it in his kids. “Come on sprints today, 800 meters and just one more push.”  The day that I gave it  up felt amazing, now, now I wish all those years I’d maybe kept it up. Feels like I’ve done a marathon.  Getting back red faced, out of breath and sweaty. Just the cue for a post exercise “selfie”.

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Overall my rating for running 5/10
Good at burning  calories in short spaces of time.
Very high impact on hips/ankles/legs/knees.
If you are not fit warning breathing control is not a strong point.

My goal is to try and run at a steady pace for 30 mins with no breaks. Until I try that again a bit of low impact, high cardio cross-trainer will be back and in combo with my secret weapon the “wii fit” . Something I believe is very underrated.

Anyone got any good running advice or general tips? I’d love to hear them. All of what I write is from personal experience, I am not a professional these are my opinions.

“Dyslexia An Advantage Not A Hold Back”

Even though this is my first post I thought I would chuck myself in at the deep end…..

So I’m not enteirly sure what this blog is going to contain but hopefully some people may find it interesting. Just to give myself a little background I am currently 19 and at university. Although I wouldn’t call myself the typical student…. I can cook, clean and do work. Partying well the less spoke of that the better I think till we get to know each other better.

I really do enjoy outside of studying healthy eating and exercise, don’t get me wrong I LOVE  a good film and a pic n mix. Mostly I am fairly healthy. As you read other posts you may learn that I love my bike she’s like my baby…. that I don’t take very good care of. And food well baking is kinda a passion of mine even if it doesn’t always turn out the way it should. Technically I am a “Youtuber” STOP before you get excited I’m barely past 18 subs and after so much camera hassle and things but I carry on uploading when I can. I you want to check it out my channel name is …….. Loridori94 yes very original shhhh leave me alone it was a nickname that stuck.

Back to the actual subject matter..

dyslexia

I may have strayed away from my topic which isn’t really unusual. Now the image above I think sums up how a lot of people feel. Dyslexia although with the right tools should not hold anyone back in fact I think it helps people see things in new and exciting ways. Many famous actors, scientists and artists all have it. With the right frame of mind the world is your oyster.

Everyone is different learning what your strengths and weakness is the key so success. You say but look what shes written, the spelling  is correct  (It kinda makes sense, okay it does to me, it may not to anyone else). I have software which helps me to spell and you know word’s spell checker helps also. My weakness is writing ,soo as  they say practice makes perfect. Ask me to draw I’m fine, Ask me to do a multiple choice or short answer exam I’m fine. Ask me to write, byeeeee then see you in 3 months when I crawl out of my cave.

But before I was diagnosed, I was never the thick kid in the class I always tried hard and developed “coping” mechanisms. Such as unknowingly writing EVERYTHING down just in case. Or give up because I was never going to keep up. Even now writing essays are the biggest pain in my…. So I thought I’d share some techniques I use.

I am a visual and Kinesthetic (doing) learner. So this means for me making/ doing and looking at pictures is a big aid in my learning. The unfortunate thing is this doesn’t really help write a 3,000 word essay to you introduce a lovely piece of software called inspiration. Honestly the essay I am currently writing feels so much better. What this software lets you do is use mind maps to plan your essays and expand ideas. This then can be converted into a word document and with a few tweeks and proof reading you are nearly there.

Think outside of the box….. My bedroom last week consisted of body diagrams and matching games. My cycling route was the was the blood travels round the body. In the exam having these images in my head. Maths is one of my strong points in being a left brained thinker, during revision and learning try to use both sides. What side are you?

Set goals, if you hit them then they feel amazing. If not you know you have got something to work on.

Remember everyone is different.

See you all soon.

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